Introductions to the Experience

In some families, it was common to allow children a small amount of wine, with the intention of reducing curiosity about alcohol later in life. Once a child experienced the taste, the novelty often faded.

My mother applied a similar approach to various aspects of life. I believed that if I asked her to repeat a disciplinary action, she would do so and then say, “Now you know.”

After getting ready in the morning, I went downstairs for breakfast. My mother followed her usual routine: preparing tea and toast, listening to the radio, and reading the newspaper. My preferred cereal was already on the table. As I waited for the cereal to absorb the milk, I had questions that I wanted to ask.

I asked, “Mother?” She replied, “Mmm?” I continued, “Why did you cross your legs to discipline Tony?” She asked me to repeat the question.

She responded, “Oh! No reason – I just did. Why do you ask?” I explained that it looked different and I was curious about the experience. I had observed from Mrs. Green’s lap as my mother disciplined Tony. She asked, “Does it matter?” I inquired if I could try it that way.

My mother looked up from her newspaper, shrugged, and agreed. This was typical of her. I then asked about a conversation she had with Mrs. Green before returning from the conservatory.

She recalled, “She said, ‘Look at those two, wiggling their bottoms. How about we have some fun ourselves and go in there and discipline them?’” It became clear that Mrs. Green had suggested the idea, and my mother had agreed.

My mother then asked me, “I bet you were surprised when Mrs. Green put you across her knee, weren’t you?” I confirmed that I was, but I knew we were not in trouble and that my mother had never disciplined us in that way before. I mentioned that it was unusual to watch her discipline Tony, who seemed to find it amusing. My mother laughed.

I did not pursue the topic further. My thoughts became less clear, and I wondered why, if my mother enjoyed disciplining Tony, we had not played similar games before.

I finished my cereal and, after being excused, went to find Tony. He was enthusiastic because his father had allowed him to use leftover materials from a home extension to build a camp. We began working on it, and my earlier thoughts were set aside.

Tony’s mother brought us drinks and complimented our efforts. She did not mention the previous day’s events. While we sat together, I asked Tony if his mother had ever disciplined him before. He replied that she had not, except for occasional playful gestures, such as a light smack when he walked past or was slow to get out of bed, but nothing serious.

We resumed building the camp, and the conversation shifted to other topics. I had lunch with Tony and his parents, so I did not see my own mother until tea time. Since my father would be home late, I decided it was a suitable time to ask my mother to discipline me in the same way she had disciplined Tony. I was interested in experiencing the different position.

My mother greeted me as usual and asked about my day. I answered her questions and then mentioned, somewhat playfully, that I had managed to go the entire day without being disciplined. I smiled at her as I said this.

My mother smiled but cautioned me that the day was not over. Sensing an opportunity, I made a playful gesture. She responded with a warning, but I continued to play along, turning and making another gesture. She laughed and said, “That does it! You know what happened yesterday when you did that.”

She took me by the ear, as the mothers had done the previous day, and led me to the dining room, where there was a suitable chair for the activity.

As before, this was essentially a playful interaction between mother and child. I protested about her pulling my ear, and she replied that I would soon have other concerns.

The most significant moment of this encounter occurred when my mother sat down, crossed her legs, and positioned me across her knee. I then understood how Tony had felt. I did not resist.

Once I was in position, my mother remarked that perhaps Mrs. Green’s discipline the previous day had not been effective, and she would now see if her own actions would have a greater impact.

She began with gentle, steady smacks, accompanied by a pretend scolding. The experience was different from the previous day, as this time it was my own mother, and I was in the position that had previously interested me. I remained still and focused on the moment, which became significant for me.

My mother continued, asking if I was learning from the experience. I responded playfully, hoping to prolong the interaction. She then told me to stand up.

I was initially disappointed, but then my mother, with folded arms, instructed me to return immediately. This instruction was both surprising and exciting.

Before I could react, she emphasized not to delay when being disciplined. She stated that previous actions had not been effective and that she would now administer a more serious consequence, followed by time in the corner.

I remember her words and the tone she used. Although I was nervous, I understood that this was still a playful interaction, though it felt more serious. I complied and was repositioned across her knee.

She announced that there would be ten firm smacks, followed by ten minutes in the corner, and warned that repeating the behavior would result in double the consequences. She demonstrated with a firm smack, indicating the seriousness of the action.

The smacks were delivered slowly, allowing the sensation to register. It appeared that my mother was also engaged in the activity in a way that I did not fully understand at the time.

I learned that firm discipline could be uncomfortable, but I also found the experience memorable. There was a distinct physical sensation that I noticed.

After the ten smacks, I remained still for a moment, feeling a mix of emotions. It was the first time I felt I had been properly disciplined, and the experience was significant.

My mother then helped me dress and led me to the kitchen, where I was instructed to stand in the corner with my hands on my head. She reminded me of the consequences for repeating the behavior.

My mother continued with her household tasks while I waited in the corner. Although I was somewhat bored, the physical sensation remained, and I reflected on the experience.

Eventually, my mother told me that my time was up. She asked for my thoughts on the experience. I admitted that, despite the discomfort, I had enjoyed it. She reassured me that it was all in fun, and we shared a hug.

After the hug, my mother asked if I understood. I confirmed that I did and asked if we could repeat the activity in the future. She agreed.

We continued to engage in similar playful interactions for several years. Sometimes my mother delayed the response, but the outcome was consistent. It seemed that my mother also enjoyed these moments.

These experiences had a lasting impact on my life. As an adult, I found a partner who was willing to participate in similar activities. These interactions were always consensual and not intended as punishment. My partner has observed that these experiences have a positive effect on our relationship.

The only remaining question is why my mother had not engaged in such playful discipline before the day at Tony’s house. This question remains unanswered, but I am grateful to both my mother and Mrs. Green for introducing me to these experiences.